Doctor Sparkles on marimba - February 4, 2010
Napoleon XIV's "They're Coming to Take Me Away"...
Doctor Sparkles: News
Doctor Sparkles on balalaika - December 1, 2009
Doctor Sparkles practicing a new song on balalaika - entitled "2012".
What Do Ukulele Players Eat? - October 26, 2009
Ever wonder what ukulele players eat? Rose Ertler has put out a new book answering that very question, and it is now available for purchase online. This book has some great recipes, including Dr. Sparkles' recipe for Nondairy Chocolate Cream Pie! Order your copy today!
Scary Country Songs: Protest War in a Military Town Blues - October 14, 2009
If you protest war in Hampton Roads,
Where a helmet pads and cup.
If you protest war in Hampton Roads,
Where a helmet pads and cup.
Cuz if the tanks don't roll you over,
Some soldier's wife will mess you up.
I'm a peace lovin war protester and I'm feelin mighty down
I'm a peace lovin war protester and I'm feelin mighty down
Cuz nobody wants to hear of peace and love in a military town
If you're into war protestin, Tidewater ain't the place to choose
If you're into war protestin, Tidewater ain't the place to choose
Cuz if you do, you'll get a case of
Those Protest War in a Military Town Blues
(2007)
Where a helmet pads and cup.
If you protest war in Hampton Roads,
Where a helmet pads and cup.
Cuz if the tanks don't roll you over,
Some soldier's wife will mess you up.
I'm a peace lovin war protester and I'm feelin mighty down
I'm a peace lovin war protester and I'm feelin mighty down
Cuz nobody wants to hear of peace and love in a military town
If you're into war protestin, Tidewater ain't the place to choose
If you're into war protestin, Tidewater ain't the place to choose
Cuz if you do, you'll get a case of
Those Protest War in a Military Town Blues
(2007)
Scary Country Songs: Something Pretty Over There - October 13, 2009
Momma told me not to wander into the woods alone
"Monsters could eat you up and spit out your bones"
I like to pick the flowers along the way
My conscience tells me that I really shouldn't stray
But I see
Something pretty over here
Something pretty over there
Momma told me not to fall for pretty appearances
If it's too good to be true then it probably is
I like to pick the flowers and throw them in the air
My conscience tells me that I really should beware
But I see
Something pretty over here
Something pretty over there
(1990)
"Monsters could eat you up and spit out your bones"
I like to pick the flowers along the way
My conscience tells me that I really shouldn't stray
But I see
Something pretty over here
Something pretty over there
Momma told me not to fall for pretty appearances
If it's too good to be true then it probably is
I like to pick the flowers and throw them in the air
My conscience tells me that I really should beware
But I see
Something pretty over here
Something pretty over there
(1990)
Scary Country Songs: Playing Music To The End of Time - October 11, 2009
My old man he say to me
"Big one comin guarantee"
Signs are there but I'm inclined
To be playin music to the end of time
Gypsy passin by my way
Take my hand and then she say
Never see a line like mine
Playin music tot he end of time
Listen to that thunder roar
Water dancin at my door
Bolt of lightnin through my spine
Playin music to the end
(2009)
"Big one comin guarantee"
Signs are there but I'm inclined
To be playin music to the end of time
Gypsy passin by my way
Take my hand and then she say
Never see a line like mine
Playin music tot he end of time
Listen to that thunder roar
Water dancin at my door
Bolt of lightnin through my spine
Playin music to the end
(2009)
Scary Country Songs: Homeland Security Chum - October 9, 2009
My friends, allow me to present a genuine TS agent
Appointed by the president, my Homeland Security Chum
IQ a fifth of what he weighs, He’s no stranger to delays
It’s just a job but he loves to taze for Homeland Security, chum.
(2009)
Like a big fish preying on the little fishes in the school
Who better to top his food chain than you – sharks in my pool
He can be a bit malicious if you act the least suspicious
But deep inside he’s still delicious Homeland Security Chum
He’s the fascist face of airport gating, packing and intimidating
For what could you be compensating, Homeland Security Chum?
My friends, I’m sure you’ll gladly greet the highest grade of all white meat
Tastes like chicken and stinky feet, my Homeland Security Chum
The superior choice for a shark’s tum tum…
My Homeland Security, Homeland Security, Homeland Secuiry Chum
Appointed by the president, my Homeland Security Chum
IQ a fifth of what he weighs, He’s no stranger to delays
It’s just a job but he loves to taze for Homeland Security, chum.
(2009)
Like a big fish preying on the little fishes in the school
Who better to top his food chain than you – sharks in my pool
He can be a bit malicious if you act the least suspicious
But deep inside he’s still delicious Homeland Security Chum
He’s the fascist face of airport gating, packing and intimidating
For what could you be compensating, Homeland Security Chum?
My friends, I’m sure you’ll gladly greet the highest grade of all white meat
Tastes like chicken and stinky feet, my Homeland Security Chum
The superior choice for a shark’s tum tum…
My Homeland Security, Homeland Security, Homeland Secuiry Chum
Scary Country Songs: American Processed Cheesefood Monsters - October 8, 2009
American Processed Cheesefood Monsters - What a stir!
American Processed Cheesefood Monsters - Have you heard?
The Grilled Cheese Kid was suffocated
The CSI all speculated
American Processed Cheesefood Monsters had been there
American Processed Cheesefood Monsters - send a flare!
American Processed Cheesefood Monsters - call the mayor!
Let's just hope that Mayor Antoni
Don't like it on his Macaroni
American Processed Cheesefood Monsters everywhere
American Processed Cheesefood Monsters at the store
American Processed Cheesefood Monsters - Out they pour
A gruesome blending of orange and gooey
To make yourselves a thick fondue
American Processed Cheesefood Monsters - What a stir!
American Processed Cheesefood Monsters in the mirror.
(2007)
American Processed Cheesefood Monsters - Have you heard?
The Grilled Cheese Kid was suffocated
The CSI all speculated
American Processed Cheesefood Monsters had been there
American Processed Cheesefood Monsters - send a flare!
American Processed Cheesefood Monsters - call the mayor!
Let's just hope that Mayor Antoni
Don't like it on his Macaroni
American Processed Cheesefood Monsters everywhere
American Processed Cheesefood Monsters at the store
American Processed Cheesefood Monsters - Out they pour
A gruesome blending of orange and gooey
To make yourselves a thick fondue
American Processed Cheesefood Monsters - What a stir!
American Processed Cheesefood Monsters in the mirror.
(2007)
Scary Country Songs: Without Freedom - October 7, 2009
This country is circling the bowl.
Wasteful spending spins out of control.
Each dollar is debt for all that we get
When the Liberty Bell takes the toll.
Is this still the "Home of the Brave"
When fear grips with each right we waive?
Whose blood will be shed when Lady Liberty's dead
And we're digging the grave?
What will you do without freedom?
What will you have when you're owned?
What price will you pay when the USofA
Says your Bill of Rights is wrong?
We once roamed this land wild and free.
Our word was our bond and ID.
Our money was gold. Our protests were bold
And we had our privacy.
But now there's no substance in our currency,
God-given right replaced by privilege at a fee.
Unless you keep your license up to date,
Support your warfare-welfare state,
Register your guns and ammo,
Share your wage with Uncle Sammo,
Walk through airports over eggshells
Without shoes nailclips or hairgels,
Act in every way submissive,
Waive the flag and your rights with it,
Fear to question, follow blind,
Say "no" to plants that free your mind,
Show ID when demanded,
You'll be rounded up and branded a public enemy
What will you do without freedom?
What will you have when you're owned?
What price will you pay when the USofA
Says your Bill of Rights is wrong?
Our Constitution was enacted to prevent
Oppression from a central government,
But we've surrendered all the powers
And liberties that once were ours
During times of dire event.
In the Civil War we lost state sovereignty.
Between the World Wars we became the enemy.
Now in this so-called "War on Terror"
It's no surprise or error
When it targets you and me.
That's why I don't trust politicians
They're liars and backstabbers all
But this year I'll make an exception
I'm casting my vote for Ron Paul
He swore an oath and I believe him
He'll defend the law of the land
These United States of America
And the Constitution for Which They Stand
Wasteful spending spins out of control.
Each dollar is debt for all that we get
When the Liberty Bell takes the toll.
Is this still the "Home of the Brave"
When fear grips with each right we waive?
Whose blood will be shed when Lady Liberty's dead
And we're digging the grave?
What will you do without freedom?
What will you have when you're owned?
What price will you pay when the USofA
Says your Bill of Rights is wrong?
We once roamed this land wild and free.
Our word was our bond and ID.
Our money was gold. Our protests were bold
And we had our privacy.
But now there's no substance in our currency,
God-given right replaced by privilege at a fee.
Unless you keep your license up to date,
Support your warfare-welfare state,
Register your guns and ammo,
Share your wage with Uncle Sammo,
Walk through airports over eggshells
Without shoes nailclips or hairgels,
Act in every way submissive,
Waive the flag and your rights with it,
Fear to question, follow blind,
Say "no" to plants that free your mind,
Show ID when demanded,
You'll be rounded up and branded a public enemy
What will you do without freedom?
What will you have when you're owned?
What price will you pay when the USofA
Says your Bill of Rights is wrong?
Our Constitution was enacted to prevent
Oppression from a central government,
But we've surrendered all the powers
And liberties that once were ours
During times of dire event.
In the Civil War we lost state sovereignty.
Between the World Wars we became the enemy.
Now in this so-called "War on Terror"
It's no surprise or error
When it targets you and me.
That's why I don't trust politicians
They're liars and backstabbers all
But this year I'll make an exception
I'm casting my vote for Ron Paul
He swore an oath and I believe him
He'll defend the law of the land
These United States of America
And the Constitution for Which They Stand
Scary Country Songs: Rescue Pig (episode 1) - October 6, 2009
Once upon a time up a tree a baby cat did climb
And she fell off a broken twig but was caught by Rescue Pig
Rescue Pig, Rescue Pig, just in time came Rescue Pig
Rescue Pig, Rescue Pig, saving kittens Rescue Pig
In these wild lawless parts, you can’t depend on just your smarts
Or muscles no matter how big, thankfully there’s Rescue Pig
Rescue Pig, Rescue Pig, Porcine Hero, Rescue Pig
Rescue Pig, Rescue Pig, we believe in Rescue Pig
Rescue Pig had a mishap, sow suckered into Luau Joe’s trap
A great big hole he began to dig for to roast that Rescue Pig
Rescue Pig, Rescue Pig, who will rescue Rescue Pig?
Rescue Pig, Rescue Pig, to be continued Rescue Pig?
(2009)
And she fell off a broken twig but was caught by Rescue Pig
Rescue Pig, Rescue Pig, just in time came Rescue Pig
Rescue Pig, Rescue Pig, saving kittens Rescue Pig
In these wild lawless parts, you can’t depend on just your smarts
Or muscles no matter how big, thankfully there’s Rescue Pig
Rescue Pig, Rescue Pig, Porcine Hero, Rescue Pig
Rescue Pig, Rescue Pig, we believe in Rescue Pig
Rescue Pig had a mishap, sow suckered into Luau Joe’s trap
A great big hole he began to dig for to roast that Rescue Pig
Rescue Pig, Rescue Pig, who will rescue Rescue Pig?
Rescue Pig, Rescue Pig, to be continued Rescue Pig?
(2009)
Scary Country Songs: The Freakin Fifth - October 5, 2009
Layed back playing in the peachy sun
Sippin on fresh squeezed lemonade
Friends all telling me I got it made
Wifey sayin she’s the lucky one
Ain’t got a care in God’s green earth
And I ain’t got a thing to hide
Ain’t nothin personal what it’s worth
Ain’t nothin implied…
I’m pleadin the Freakin Fifth as in Amendment
I’m pleadin the Freakin Fifth, and that’s for sure.
It’s the least that I can do for the freakin likes of you
With all respect that’s due
I’m pleadin the Freaking Fifth
Pyramid scheme in the apple pie
Piggy bank split like a hot dog bun
Buck spread eagle on a hit and run
White picket fenced foreclosure sign
Checks and balances about to bounce
Cut and paste prophecy
End of the dream by all accounts
Tween just you and me
I’m pleadin the Freakin Fifth as in Amendment
I’m pleadin the Freakin Fifth, and that’s for sure.
It’s the least that I can do for the freakin likes of you
With all respect that’s due
I’m pleadin the Freaking Fifth and that’s for sure
I’m pleadin the Freakin Fifth.
I ain’t sayin no more.
(2009)
Sippin on fresh squeezed lemonade
Friends all telling me I got it made
Wifey sayin she’s the lucky one
Ain’t got a care in God’s green earth
And I ain’t got a thing to hide
Ain’t nothin personal what it’s worth
Ain’t nothin implied…
I’m pleadin the Freakin Fifth as in Amendment
I’m pleadin the Freakin Fifth, and that’s for sure.
It’s the least that I can do for the freakin likes of you
With all respect that’s due
I’m pleadin the Freaking Fifth
Pyramid scheme in the apple pie
Piggy bank split like a hot dog bun
Buck spread eagle on a hit and run
White picket fenced foreclosure sign
Checks and balances about to bounce
Cut and paste prophecy
End of the dream by all accounts
Tween just you and me
I’m pleadin the Freakin Fifth as in Amendment
I’m pleadin the Freakin Fifth, and that’s for sure.
It’s the least that I can do for the freakin likes of you
With all respect that’s due
I’m pleadin the Freaking Fifth and that’s for sure
I’m pleadin the Freakin Fifth.
I ain’t sayin no more.
(2009)
Scary Country Songs: Practice Suspicious Behavior - October 4, 2009
If you practice suspicious behavior, some patriot might think you’re weird.
If you practice suspicious behavior, some citizen might git a-sc’rd.
If you practice suspicious behavior, folks may grow wary of what you’re doin.
If you practice suspicious behavior, your neighbor might turn you in.
Sheik Tickles was waitin’ at the airport. We had a gig at the New York Ukefest.
He was nervous. Since he was an Arab, he’d be profiled for how he was dressed.
Beads of sweat were a formin’ on his forehead as he felt every eye turn his way.
Though he’d be welcomed by some, he’d just assume not become the Arab Tickler of Guatanamo Bay.
I was playing ukulele by the ocean. I had that far away look in my eye.
A lady from work walked by and got the notion that I’d only be doing that if I were high.
She reported me but I passed the piss test and left denying any wrongful misdeed.
I just look that way when I’m playing ukulele, but if it helps perhaps I should smoke some weed.
There’s a camera at every intersection and a wiretap on every phone.
There’s a record of every transaction and the high likelihood we’re not alone.
May you rest in peace, Habeas Corpus. From a suspicious point of view
We all practice suspicious behavior, so it’s the least suspicious thing we can do.
So practice suspicious behavior. It’s the least suspicious thing you can do.
(2007)
If you practice suspicious behavior, some citizen might git a-sc’rd.
If you practice suspicious behavior, folks may grow wary of what you’re doin.
If you practice suspicious behavior, your neighbor might turn you in.
Sheik Tickles was waitin’ at the airport. We had a gig at the New York Ukefest.
He was nervous. Since he was an Arab, he’d be profiled for how he was dressed.
Beads of sweat were a formin’ on his forehead as he felt every eye turn his way.
Though he’d be welcomed by some, he’d just assume not become the Arab Tickler of Guatanamo Bay.
I was playing ukulele by the ocean. I had that far away look in my eye.
A lady from work walked by and got the notion that I’d only be doing that if I were high.
She reported me but I passed the piss test and left denying any wrongful misdeed.
I just look that way when I’m playing ukulele, but if it helps perhaps I should smoke some weed.
There’s a camera at every intersection and a wiretap on every phone.
There’s a record of every transaction and the high likelihood we’re not alone.
May you rest in peace, Habeas Corpus. From a suspicious point of view
We all practice suspicious behavior, so it’s the least suspicious thing we can do.
So practice suspicious behavior. It’s the least suspicious thing you can do.
(2007)
Scary Country Songs: The Beast of the NWO - October 3, 2009
I saw unleashed a creature of unholy appetite
To herd our host of fears before the chasm of its bite
A lycanthropic thought-form without its human border
The Beast of the New World Order
It cried for global villagers in crisis to unite
And promised them the world if they would bow before its might
With charisma of the chosen one to mask the power hoarder
The Beast of the New World Order
It bound us to the altar of its planetary rite
Upon the sun exploding in a thousand points of light
Sealed in sacrificial doom upon the earth's recorder
The Beast of the New World Order
(2008)
To herd our host of fears before the chasm of its bite
A lycanthropic thought-form without its human border
The Beast of the New World Order
It cried for global villagers in crisis to unite
And promised them the world if they would bow before its might
With charisma of the chosen one to mask the power hoarder
The Beast of the New World Order
It bound us to the altar of its planetary rite
Upon the sun exploding in a thousand points of light
Sealed in sacrificial doom upon the earth's recorder
The Beast of the New World Order
(2008)
Scary Country Songs: Greenwash - October 2, 2009
Allow me to reflect upon an inconvenient lie
Concerning global warming and the carbon in the sky
Well which one follows which? Whose story do you listen to?
A politician's... in a movie... so you know it must be true
The temperature is in the red, but Al Gore's come to give us all a...
Greenwash... the grass is always greener with a...
Greenwash... the air in your head's cleaner with a...
Greenwash... Browbeat the man who says it isn't so.
"Let's go green" "Let's go green" "Let's go green" everywhere
The bandwagon's playing cuz the corporations care
About their chance to profit from the latest cash cow
Made sacred cuz religion tends to bend belief somehow
Dear Mother Earth is on the brink so let's all pay her homage with some...
Greenwash... hypnotize the masses with some...
Greenwash... wage war on greenhouse gasses with some...
Greenwash... oh Holy Cow what else is there to do.
Sustainable development - the new model for mankind
Let's teach it in schools and leave no child behind
Greenwash a generation to dumb down the debate
So they won't think to protest the new socialist state
The needs of the collective supercede each member's liberty to question...
What’s sustainable or green about perpetual wars?
Which mufflers are melting the polar icecaps on Mars?
Why don’t more people know about Agenda 21
And how does it jive with the Constitution?
What if my carbon fart-print doesn’t amount to a hill of beans?
(2008)
Concerning global warming and the carbon in the sky
Well which one follows which? Whose story do you listen to?
A politician's... in a movie... so you know it must be true
The temperature is in the red, but Al Gore's come to give us all a...
Greenwash... the grass is always greener with a...
Greenwash... the air in your head's cleaner with a...
Greenwash... Browbeat the man who says it isn't so.
"Let's go green" "Let's go green" "Let's go green" everywhere
The bandwagon's playing cuz the corporations care
About their chance to profit from the latest cash cow
Made sacred cuz religion tends to bend belief somehow
Dear Mother Earth is on the brink so let's all pay her homage with some...
Greenwash... hypnotize the masses with some...
Greenwash... wage war on greenhouse gasses with some...
Greenwash... oh Holy Cow what else is there to do.
Sustainable development - the new model for mankind
Let's teach it in schools and leave no child behind
Greenwash a generation to dumb down the debate
So they won't think to protest the new socialist state
The needs of the collective supercede each member's liberty to question...
What’s sustainable or green about perpetual wars?
Which mufflers are melting the polar icecaps on Mars?
Why don’t more people know about Agenda 21
And how does it jive with the Constitution?
What if my carbon fart-print doesn’t amount to a hill of beans?
(2008)
Scary Country Songs: Scary Country - October 1, 2009
I awoke in a scary country
With a gas mask on my face
I was playing ukulele
Singing songs of joy and grace
To my one side the goons of order,
To my other the hordes of mutiny
Joining ranks as two crossed lovers
In a tango whose climax is a plea,
“Return to me, Amore, from where my heart has been
If I can’t have you my way, let the end of the world begin.”
I saw zombies wandering the walmarts,
Adrift in ebays, lurking in a commercial gloom
Ever hungry for the taste of life so long ago forsaken
Insensibly moaning at all that they consume,
“Return to me, Amore, from where my heart has been
If I can’t have you my way, let the end of the world begin.”
And in the twinkling of an eye the chosen one will be shot
Moreso in hatred than by ulterior motive for he had lied
And there shall be outrage and riot and the war
Shall take us all before the newborn zeitgeist
Pouring out his golden justice for an age – singing
“Return to me, Amore, from where my heart has been
If I can’t have you my way, let the end of the world begin.”
(2008)
With a gas mask on my face
I was playing ukulele
Singing songs of joy and grace
To my one side the goons of order,
To my other the hordes of mutiny
Joining ranks as two crossed lovers
In a tango whose climax is a plea,
“Return to me, Amore, from where my heart has been
If I can’t have you my way, let the end of the world begin.”
I saw zombies wandering the walmarts,
Adrift in ebays, lurking in a commercial gloom
Ever hungry for the taste of life so long ago forsaken
Insensibly moaning at all that they consume,
“Return to me, Amore, from where my heart has been
If I can’t have you my way, let the end of the world begin.”
And in the twinkling of an eye the chosen one will be shot
Moreso in hatred than by ulterior motive for he had lied
And there shall be outrage and riot and the war
Shall take us all before the newborn zeitgeist
Pouring out his golden justice for an age – singing
“Return to me, Amore, from where my heart has been
If I can’t have you my way, let the end of the world begin.”
(2008)
Monkey Swing Monkey Doo nominated in Just Plain Folks Awards! - June 30, 2009
http://jpfolks.com">
In the largest music awards of any kind in world history, Doctor Sparkles latest CD release "Monkey Swing Monkey Doo" has been nominated from 42,000 albums for Best Cabaret Album, and its lead track "The Golden Age of Swing" was nominated from 560,000 songs for Best Cabaret Song. The winners will be announced at the awards show on August 29th in Nashville, TN.
In the largest music awards of any kind in world history, Doctor Sparkles latest CD release "Monkey Swing Monkey Doo" has been nominated from 42,000 albums for Best Cabaret Album, and its lead track "The Golden Age of Swing" was nominated from 560,000 songs for Best Cabaret Song. The winners will be announced at the awards show on August 29th in Nashville, TN.